I know all to well the overwhelming feeling of not wanting to take a look at yourself in the mirror. Your afraid to see your messy hair that’s been up in a bun all day, extra weight from having a child, no makeup, the remnants of today’s lunch on your shirt not to mention if you have a child under one and the spit up on your shoulders. Your overworked and under paid and unless you found some sort of magical way to make money off of being a parent at home, than your not paid at all. It’s the hardest job in the world and the most important, yet no-one really knows what its like to stay home all day with these amazing and sometimes insane tiny humans. Your days and nights are packed with feedings, homework, cleaning, being a nurse, cooking, accounting and hostage negotiator. Moms with more than one child will definitely understand the last one. That being said you freakin’ rock!

You are a goddess, a woman with more strength than a herd of buffalo (especially if that said herd was aiming for your children). You once felt sexy enough to create those children and believe me, that inner goddess is inside you. Now to figure out how to bring it out and feel good about yourself. Feeling sexy isn’t just about looks, don’t get me wrong a fresh shower and a little bit of makeup can do wonders to your self-esteem. Vivica A. Fox said “A great figure or Physique is nice, but it’s self confidence that makes someone really sexy.” Figure out what makes you feel sexy and DO IT! Every woman deserves to feel as if she was sent to this world to give and receive pleasure from her significant other, even if it’s a rare occasion you get to be alone. I’m a full supporter of that whole slang saying “lady in the street but a freak in the bed”. Humans in general carry a stigmata that sex shouldn’t be talked about much less explored. But that is becoming less and less the “average” attitude the more we talk about it and the more we accept it to be part of our DNA makeup as humans. Humans crave touch, we crave love and dammit we as women have the most amazing shapes, no matter what size we are. We are prewired for love and affection, we create life and we all have an inner goddess to bring out.

Take your shower, throw on some makeup and that new little silk robe you been dying to slide on and just do whatever it is that makes you feel good about yourself. That is the key that sets the tone for the evening, of course after the kids are fed, bathed and you read Dr. Seuss 5 times in a row to get your little monsters to bed. Now that we laid the ground work, what else is there we can do to spice it up? Don’t fret I have five great ideas that can get your wheels turning and hopefully his gears going.

Do Not Underestimate The Value of Having Toys

Ladies this is a big one, never underestimate the power of bringing out toys. Yea I know, you have spent all day playing with toys, now you have someone asking you to play with toys at night as well. But I promise these toys will actually bring you excitement! There are toys specifically made for the female and than some made for the male. You can purchase something as simple as oils or as extravagant as a sex swing. Here are a few good starter toys that should be in every couple’s bedroom.

Vibrator, Bullet or Dildo. Yes each of these items are used for the same thing, BUT they are different. The Vibrator can start off as cheap as $10.00 and can be as expensive as a few hundred dollars. Well as a matter of fact the most expensive Vibrator ever made was “The Pearl Royale,” created by an Australian Jeweler Colin Burn. Its worth a whopping $1 million dollars ( Picture shown below)! Now that is one very expensive way to get off. But unless your dating Bill Gates, it’s best we stick to the average household purchase prices. Vibrators come in many colors, sizes, materials, with or without the extra “ticklers” and more. They have ones that rotate, vibrate, play music, waterproof and the list goes on. Now Bullets are about the same, however they are more compact. That is why they are called “Bullets,” they are less conspictious as well as more easy packed away. These come in just as many shapes and sizes as the Vibrator. They are my absolute favorite because you can be wearing one and no-one ever know it and they have one’s that can be controlled remotely by a controller or even an app. So imagine this, your at dinner with your significant other and your wearing a Bullet and let you SO turn it on and off or up and down as he or she pleases. Now that is an amazing start to an evening. Than you have the Dildo. Less fancy and none of the bells and whistles included in the other two, but they do come in many colors, skin tones and sizes. You can even make a mold of your hubby’s “man leg” by purchasing the kit from Clone A Willy for $65. 

Cock ring-is my next must have item on the list. Me and my husband swear by them. They are great for not just you but for him as well. When purchasing one make sure you take into consideration the size of his willy. These scientifically work by placing them at the base of the penis and in doing that, it cuts off most of the blood from leaving the penis. Therefore making his erection stronger and can even make him last longer. It also makes him much more sensitive to the sensations. You want it tight, but if it starts turning purple or feeling numb take it off immediately and buy a wider one. They come in various sizes and materials, they can even include a small vibrating bullet attached or ones that wrap around his scrotum to ensure it won’t slip off. The benefit for you is it can make him last longer as well as a firmer erection. Trust me ladies, you need one of these.

Check out the Fetish Fantasy Gold Vibrating Cock Ring

Sensual massage oils and lube-is another must have! Who wouldn’t love to get a nice massage to get the blood pumping. “ According to market research firm Iri, Americans plunk down roughly $200 million annually on lube alone, a substance that sort of faces Food and Drug Administration scrutiny but not necessarily in the ways you might expect. That’s because the FDA classifies lube as something “to lubricate a body orifice to facilitate entry of a diagnostic or therapeutic device.” (And if that doesn’t get you all hot and bothered nothing will.)”Find one that is right for you and if things get to messy buy a tarp for the bed!

Try a flavored lube like Wet Cupcake Flavored Lubricant

Handcuffs, rope or other bondage apparatus- I am not talking about major bondage, but having your hands and feet tied down can be very erotic. Not being able to move and just having your partner take the lead or vice versa, you take the lead, is exhilarating. Also if you really feel trusting than pair a blindfold up with these items. When one or more of your senses is hindered the others take over at a heightened state. I prefer rope as it can be tightened and adjusted as well as there is no key to keep up with and hey, you can always use the rope to tie the kids to a chair if they make you nuts (Totally joking)!

Try the Fetish Fantasy Fuzzy Handcuffs Perfect for a beginner and so cute!

 Anal Plugs or Beads Ok, I know when you read that some are thinking “No not me” or “Over my dead Body”. But they can be fun and amazing to use. They range from very small or hardly noticeable all the way to you may have to get surgery to fix the gap it will cause. But for the sake of spicing it up, just give them a try and see where it takes you. During sexy time, wear one and you will tell a major difference as well as your partner will. During intercourse wearing one puts pressure on your partners penis from the inside, therefore making things much tighter.

Try the Cloud 9 Anal Plug Kit Comes with 3 different sizes to play with!

No matter what techniques you use to spice your sex life up, just make sure it feels right to you as well as your partner. Never travel outside of each others limits and respect each other’s wishes. Also communication is always key to a happy marriage and happy sex life. Let’s face it you probably crave some adult talk especially if you’re a stay at home mom. I love talking to my little ones, but there is only so much I can take of pretending to be a Unicorn or barking like a dog to entertain my animal loving three year old. Touch each other more, kiss each other more and just communication can make a world of a difference well before introducing my list of must have toys. Find that spark that made you two fall in love to begin with. It’s always there even if its hidden behind a wall you feel you need to chip away at. At the end of the day remind yourself and your partner that you are both great parents and wonderful in your own way!

Written by: Jessica Harman “Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature, than get a puppy”-Barbara Walters